copy/pasted from http://scaper.deviantart.com 21 January, 2006

“The material universe and the physical body that we experience through our five physical senses, in the time span of physical life, are only one small aspect of reality. Insights into the larger picture of reality are graphed within the laws of quantum physics.

All material objects within the entire world are made up of atoms. Atoms are composed of sub-atomic particles moving at lightning speeds through huge empty spaces. Sub-atomic particles are not material things, but fluctuations of energy and information in a huge void. Our physical bodies and all the materials in the physical universe are both proportionately as void as intergalactic space. Our material body and that of the solid appearing universe is composed not of material or solids, but of sub-atomic energy particles that flicker in and out of existence at the speed of light. Our nervous system cannot process these quantum events at the speed at which they are really happening, so it decodes the energy and information into the experience of solid and three-dimensional material bodies. Not only does this decision to observe create our experience of the physical world, but also it creates our awareness of our self. All physical reality that we experience is, in this sense, self created. We are the creator of it, the process of creating it, and that which is created. Our view of space, time and the entire material world is self fabricated. We realize that what we focus on becomes reality.

Upon taking responsibility for this, we must focus on the reality we want to experience in order to create it.”
from david mack in “kabuki”

thievery 15 January, 2006

what’s the best way to protect your valuable jewelry?

never wear it.  keep it locked tight in a safe.

the best way to protect your carpets?

make sure nobody ever walks on them in their shoes.

the best way to keep a secret document?

hide it.  password it.  encode it.  never tell anyone it exists.

so it is with all things.  to keep it safe, keep it away from everyone.

just keep it away.

recurring stalker dream 12 January, 2006

i lived in some pleasant neighborhood with alex.  for some reason, in these dreams it’s always me and alex.  i must worry about her a lot.

anyway, i had a stalker.  i knew this because he would leave me notes.  once i ws in the mall with alex, in a pizza place.  when we came out of there, there was a note on the bench outside of it, addressed to me.  he was going to kill me, it said.  i ran back in, hysterical, and somehow got one of those pizza cuttwrs.  i ran about waving it around, crying that someone was going to kill me.  someone called the cops and they grabbed me, yes i got in trouble.  yes n front of alex.  i don’t know what i was thinking.  but they saw the note, and they realized who i was and why i was so crazy.  nobody could say who put the note on the bench.  nobody saw anything.
they searched all over, and there was a guy, a sort of creepy looking guy.  he was a suspect, but nothing ever panned out.  there was a note on the tree outside of my house.  he was going to kill me, it said.  i called the police again.

my neighborhood with its sturdy nondescript houses and tree-lined lanes, where it  was so beautiful and quiet, became a place of terror for me.  nights, i would bring alex home and rush into the house from the driveway, cautiously reminding alex not to talk to anyone she didn’t know.  finally it got to be too much.  the police told me to move.

i moved.

the day everything was settled in, all we had to do was unpack, the police lounged around our new house with the split-level livingroom.  at the lower level there was a huge window, and a weeping willow tree outside.  the fronds sometimes caressed the glass in the wind.  i had decided to move there the moment i saw that tree, and finally i was there.  i knew alex would love the tree the way i love weeping willow trees.

let me try to describe this to you.  if you walked into the front door, to the left was a small office or something and to thee right was just wall.  maybe on the left was the closet.  continuing down the shiny marble (apricot with black flecks) floored hall, you reach a dining area.  this is on the right.  to the left are 3 carpeted steps (white carpet, oh, HA!) down into the lower level of the livingroom.  going back up and to the left, you find yourself on a path between the dining area on the right and the railing for the raised area on the left.  If you go down just a bit further, to the right is a seating area with a fireplace, next to the dining area,
and to the left is a set of steps, also leading into the lower level of the livingroom.  there are about oh, 7, 8 steps.  they’re low steps, but long.  there’s a railing to the left of them, the right is just the wall.

and if the seating area is to the left of the dining area, facing it,  to the right of the dining area and back is another small seating area next to the patio doors.  it was an amazing place, and i knew alex would love it.

anyway, our first day there the cops were inspecting the place, they declared it safe and clean and all that stuff, then they departed.  alex trailed behind me as i walked the police to the door, thanking them profusely for keeping me and alex safe.  i turned around and we began walking toward the bedrooms, i was chattering excitedly with alex about what we were going to do in her room.  we went in, talked some, then i turned and headed into the main area of the house again.  i stopped dead in my tracks.

there was a man on the couch.  not a bad-looking man, dark hair, blue eyes, dressed in some kind of dark suit.  he was just sitting there, gazing at the willow tree out the window until he turned to look at me.  i’d seen this man before.  he grinned some kind of crooked smile at me, it made him look devilishly handsome.  when he smiled, i felt a sick feeling in my gut.  this was the stalker, this was the man who was going to kill me.  i was a little dismayed somewhere in the back of my mind, that such a cute guy had it in for me.

at the same time alex came up behind me.  she startled me and i went to push her back but she slipped past me and started walking down the long steps.  she didn’t even see the man.  he stood up and began walking toward the steps and when he did alex finally saw him and was startled.  she slipped and i could see she was going to fell.

the really weird thing is, in this dream i knew that chances were, this guy was totally going to kill me.  i didn’t know if he planned to kill alex or not but i had already become aware of this sort of blooming in my chest.  i had suddenly, the heart of a lion.  i leapt from my place at the top of the stairs and grabbed her.  i landed on my back, on the steps, she was safe on top of me.  i thought it was sort of ironic that right then, when we were about to die, i was saving her from hurting herself.

the rotten guy, of course found this amusing.  he mocked me “aww you love the baby.”  i sent alex back up the stairs and to her room.  she didn’t really go, but she went up the steps.  i managed to stand up and i asked the man, “why do you want to kill me?”  “what have i done to make you want to do this to me?”  i was really upset and crying.  what would happen to alex?  then i remember after some time of crying and begging, i looked up at him and asked him “will you make sure alex is safe and gets somewhere safe?”  he said yes, and that was it.  i woke up then.

man i hate when i have cycles of creepy ass dreams.