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child-creature 30 March, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in blather and claptrap.

my niece, alex, is just the love of my life.  sure in the almost 3 years now since she became mobile she's caused me more injuries than i have caused myself over the previous 31 years of my life.  but she's alright.  in fact, she's pretty awesome.

here's something else awesome.  today, in fact less than 2 hours ago, i said this (verbatim): "Alex, what has Auntie CoCo told you about manual strangulation?"  when do you ever expect to have to say that to a child?  never, i'd think.  especially not a 3-year old.  (in case you're wondering about a discrepancy here, she started walking at 7 months.  her birthday is in november) 

i never really realized how dangerous parenting is, at least to the parent.  i know kids can get hurt but while alex has sustained no real injury at all, *ever* from playing with me, it's only been the past 3 or 4 months that i haven't had my lip busted 3 or more times a week and been seriously concerned about whether my nose is broken.  not that she's out to get me or something, but heavens, she plays rough.  very rough.  


uh..this? i uhh, fell down some stairs. stairs made of doorknobs. fist-shaped doorknobs. 13 March, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in blather and claptrap, inflammatory!.

this is my triumphal return to blogging, and hot in the hands of a controversial topic. it’s a topic my sister and i have discussed quite a bit. battered wives. now, our mom was about a half-a-step away from being a full-time battered wife. i guess a lot of the times my dad’s arms were just too heavy. it took her a long time to get free of that guy, and like, my sister and i often wonder how such a thing happens. how can an otherwise intelligent, probably attractive women come under the spell of a man who beats the crap out of her? we have no idea.

we assume there must be a process of indoctrination of some sort. like, i guess maybe he smacks you on the arm playfully to see how that goes over. then maybe he punches you kind of hard to see if you get mad. and then of course i guess the first time he really hits you. i bet that’s the best jewelry you ever got. the first time, it’s like popping a cherry. “holy shit i can belt her right in the face!” all he has to do is apologize huh? i don’t get it. like, that’s a crime, you realize that, right? you can’t go around decking people or backhanding them when they make you mad. then he does it again. “omigod she totally took it!” oh yeah, he’s got you now eh. it’s as if this guy’s words have magical powers. next thing you’re knocked up. if he doesn’t beat the baby out of you, he could be hitting it next. and even if he doesn’t, how much do you think your kids look up to a woman who is perfectly able to hold down a job and run a household but can’t freaking stand up to the man who claimed he loved her hmm? i bet that no matter how you martyr yourself they’re going to think you’re weak, because even kids know that you’re not supposed to hit people, and that if someone hits you, you find an authority. oh yes, the kids know, you dumb bitch.

don’t get me wrong, i don’t condone spousal abuse at all. at least not the first time. the first time a guy hits a girl he should be thrown under a jail. but the second time? oh you signed up for it then. after the fact, you know it’s part of the package, ma’am. your daughters will grow up to think their job in life is to be someone’s doormat, and your sons will resent you for being weak and maybe grow up to beat your daughter-in-law. yes ma’am, the beater is responsible for beating your ass, sure, but you’re responsible for what you do in response to that. yes that’s right battered wives, you’re just as responsible for the assbeatery as your husband/boyfriend is. how, you say?

-you take it the first time, and you keep taking it
-chances are, you have failed to leave early enough in the relationship where a simple breaking up and some nice police action will work
-if you’re a battered wife, you obviously fail to live by the rules. what do i mean? i’ll tell you.

living by the rules: if you know your guy gets mad at you for going to school and/or getting a job, stop trying to better yourself, dumbass. you are with that guy and you KNOW he hates it! is it worth it to get beat to death because you choose to buck the rules of the system you willingly involved yourself in? hmm? you wanna flex your independence muscles NOW, after you sold your soul for the guy who you thought was awesome because he was a little possessive. mmhmm, now lie in it, sister. that’s your bed.

suppress your natural urge to reply to chastisement and false accusations. yes, suppress it. if you want to continue to live with this man (as opposed to dying by his hand because everyone knows you’re not leaving) then you need to get over your bad self and accept that you’re living in his world with his rules and you’re fucking wrong when he damn well says you are. i bet you could cut down the shiners at least by one a week if you try this.

always be ready for sex. when a man owns you he owns your body too. that means get on your back when he’s got a bulge in his jeans and don’t make any sound that might imply you don’t like it. you must like it. you haven’t left yet.

and for fuck’s sake ladies. do NOT cheat on your husband! how many times have we heard about a woman with an abusive man who cheated on him and got herself AND her paramour killed eh? here’s the deal, let me try to break it down to you. if your man beats your ass for cooking his meatloaf wrong, leaves bruises on you because he likes it when you’re in pain and afraid of him, hits you to relieve his tension from the day, or has sex with you even if you’re telling him no (see suggestion above) then don’t cheat on him. what kind of stupid woman cheats on a man who probably threatens to kill her for a lot less? who the hell are you, mistress of life and death? you need some strong man to help you move on and get away from your husband? try a policeman. he’s plenty strong and he has the authority of the law to shoot your lousy bastard of a husband if it gets critical. then go forth and find yourself some new dude to punch your face in. we know that’s what you want.