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a meandering through my thoughts 22 October, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in 420 posts, little navigations, thing-a-lings.
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this might not be the most interesting navigation ever.  i don’t know.  i’m just feeling thoughty and talking and writey all at once and i got bored of the tv.

first thought it on alex.  what an awesome girl.  dang.  man.  i wish i were half as awesomoe as she is.  how does a 3 year old become more awesome than her parents combined?   and how do they calculate that?

speaking of calculations, i spent a little while this evening talking with some people about my cost/benefits analysis i do on everyone.  oh i mean you know, if i hardly know you i do a simple balance sheet but like you know if we’re close pals you can safely assume you have something akin to a credit score in my head.  i’m considering putting it into an excel spreadsheet and making a little powerpoint presentation.  i got this idea from a friend who i asked “and to whom would i show this powerpoint presentation” and he was like “to yourself!”  so if i make these excel sheets i will put them in here or somewhere somehow so you can see them.  like as if you care.  haha.

so this show the first 48 is on again.  i totally think i have become inured.  i used to think it’s just because there are so many reruns of crime shows but now my sister and i really only pay attention to parco, pi (which we like to pronounce “parcopy”) and dominick dunne’s power, privilege and justice.  because there’s nothing like rich people killing each other to death over money.

speaking of money, my sister and i had a lengthy discussion (with some ouotside input) as to what it would be worth to kill someone, as it seems a lot of people do it on the cheap.  they get hired for like $500 or they kill their husband for like $500k and i’m like “man that is so retarded.”  so we went on a little exercise in extremes to see what we could imaginarily buy for $30 million.  this is to illustrate that it’s stupid to kill for money, a little or a lot because like, the chances of getting caught weigh WAY more heavily on us than even the princely sum of 30 million hypothetical dollars.

the guinea pigs are funny and the bald ones are very warm.  i hate to touch them with cold hands because without fur they must be a little shocked to feel the temperature of my skin.

they will always be bald.

speaking of bald, do you think people still wax their bald pates?

epitome is pronounced “eh-PIT-uh-me” not “EP-i-tome.”  it is not spelled appitomy.

that makes me think of appendix.

sometimes i worry that love and anger cannot coincide.

i got interrupted for a few minutes.  working on an idea.  maybe for a comic!  that reminds me, remind me later when i’m sober to write about the christmas party, the tv, and the halt-man comic.  i’d link it now but i am too fucked up.  i can’t believe i just said that.

the sad part is, i think i am being horrible on purpose and i don’t know how to stop.  or maybe i have tricked myself into thinking i don’t know how to stop.  it always feels good when i am careening down the road to insanity, so gleefully apathetic and eventually nearly snarling with fiendish delight in saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing.  it’s cathartic, i feel, every single time, as if i am purging myself of something.  like i am somehow lighter than before.

does that make me a bad person?  i’d rather for you to think i’m a bad person than to dislike me based on some deficiency in my character.  yes i’m a weird one.

interrupted again.  they must have redirected a flight path or something over my apartment complex.  tonight is full of the heavy drone of aircraft.  planes flying and flying and flying.  passing overhead.  the sound concerned me at first.  there were so many planes that at first i thought there was a tank rolling down the street, or possibly (gasp of gasps!) an alien invasion.  well at first i thought “that sounds like a plane” but it got closer and then farther away.  which confused me because for about 15 seconds i thought there was a plane about to crash into my complex (or house) and i was asking myself “should i type that real fast and hit post so in case i die everyone knows what happened?”

i think that’s enough pontificating and rambling for tonight.  thanks, you’ve been a great audience.


vaht ah lahfly day: navigation of a chat with my sister 27 July, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in blather and claptrap, F.S.B.A., little navigations.
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it really was. had a nice meeting (read more at my company’s blog) and i feel eminently encouraged and hopeful.  life feels good right now.

my sister and i had a nice long chat this evening about this and that, and it was pretty neat.  alex was in bed (and she went to sleep like right away, whoa)  and we got to just sit and chittychat.  it was really pleasant.  we talked about people and their habits and their tendencies.  we delved into how our childhood affects us now.  the big thing was body language.  when we were kids, our father did not really use body language.  like he’d be perfectly fine, and then WHANG YOU RIGHT ON THE HEAD or something.  right into the wall.  he never betrayed any kind of sign that he was going to be any particular way, unless he was very agitated.  money was a weapon, food was a weapon, time with our siblings and mother was a weapon.

and now we find ourselves, as adults, having a terrible time relating to other people.  it’s as if we don’t understand what “normal people do” so we do what we do and find out, little by little over time, how much it differs from other people.  we went from this topic to, of all things, acid.

no, not the kind you throw in someone’s face,  silly.  the kind you drop so you can trip or fry.  i have personally never done acid.  we discussed why.  i son’t have any particular inclination toward wanting to either, even though i seem to sail through most hallucinations with ease.

i think this is because like, in my hallucinations the world i am currently inhabiting has rules, just like this one.  so a pink elephant on the wall wouldn’t fit in anywhere. i wouldn ‘t know how to respond because while in the water tower i know how to act because the illusion is complete, but there is no place where i have a background and set of rules for pink elephants.  my sister told me any little change in mood or something can trigger a bad trip.  and the length of the trip, 12 hours.  yikes!

my brain is fried all by itself.  besides, to keep it warm i bake it on a regular basis.

i feel like writing some fiction but it’s not writable yet.  it’s swirling around in my brain taking shape.  sometimes i wonder if i actually make up my fiction, or if it’s like the tobacco mosaic virus experiment.  now i have to explain it.

basically tobacco mosaic was the first virus to be discovered.  a guy put the ingredients for it together  (on purpose or not, i cannot recall) and like, the next day when he came in to check on it, the virus had formed all by itself.

yes so i am saying, do i make it up or do pieces that fit together just come together on their own?  we shall soon see, eh?  well, actually no we won’t.  i’ll just have an idea soon.

we talked about the gym.  F.S.B.A. has been on hiatus for a bit, owing to our crappy schedules.  we’re gettig busy though, because, well, she’s got to get a little sexier for her birthday (kinda soon but not too soon) and i am on a mission to be the hottest transatlantic tomato there ever was.  we talked about the poon pool, and determined not to let the rotten girls at the gym ruin our good time.  we’re not there to pick up hot gym guys.  my sister had a husband and i, well, just can’t be bothered to pick up a gym guy.  we’re there to get in shape, feel better about ourselves, and freakin get in some quality Boggle time while we ride the bikes.

(oh yeah, we have 3 versions of boggle.  tiny mini portable, regular, and some fancy-pants version.  sick, no?)

wels lid off the topic of the gym and talked about, well, something.  i forget.  anyways, this wasn’t as awesome a navigation as the music one, but don’t worry.  there will be other, different navigations.  maybe even better.  kiss kiss darlings!

the soundtrack of my night 13 June, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in 420 posts, blather and claptrap, little navigations.
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today has been a good day.  i would also like to point out that i LOVE how wordpress uses these huge letters when you're writing a post.  i freaking love that.  and the font is so cute i feel like a little kid.

 so right now i am listening to elis regina's "cartomante" which is the song i swear will be the first song i dance to with my husband should i ever marry.  it's a slow samba, so we'll have to go to lessons.  i love this song.  it's so powerful and triumpant sounding.  this is a song for wild and glorious dancing.  when it comes on i sing along (as much as i can, it's in portuguese) and lose my mind right about the a capella part of the chorus:

cai o rei de espadas

cai o rei de ouros

cai o rei de paus

cai no fica nada!

which means, about literally (and i love it literally because it's kinda poetic): falls the kind of swords, falls the king of silver, falls the king of wood, fall, it means nothing!  HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!  a cartomante is a fortune teller and the song is basically about how you cannot try to tell the future and so should love while you can and enjoy the moment.  or at least i'm pretty sure that's what it is.  i've had about 4 portuguese speakers on the case.  it's just a great song.  i love it and i love singing the portuguese too, it just rolls off my tongue.

 alex also loves this song.

 next up is from "Little Shop of Horrors" and it's "Suddenly Seymour."  i contend this is the most romatic song ever.  instead of it being all about flowers and gardens and hearts and shit, it's about 2 people who doubt themselves but want to be in love.  i mean like how telling is this:

(seymour) tell me this feeling lasts til forever

tell me the bad times are clean washed away

(audrey) please understand that it's too strange and frightening

for losers like i've been, it's so hard to say

that is so real.  that's how real people feel sometimes.  alex is also nuts about this song.

next up is kane and abel and master p's "time after time" which uses some hip-hop girls breathily warbling the chorus between a pretty poignant structure of rap choruses.  this is a song about being locked up on your kids' birthdays, getting shot, being alone when all your homeys die, and the most infamous line in my hip hop line repertoire "my homey's in the pen doing life plus one.  when he call me collect, to accept i press one."  the next line balances it out "my benz is your benz, my house is your home.  if you even need a friend call abel on the phone."  master p raps smoothly about drugs and satan "and the devil be the dope man." and there's this chant "we gon' ball till we fall.  real soldiers gon' be there when they homies call."

i realize this is rap music and maybe silly, but at the same time it makes me think of my brother because we used to listen to this song and laugh.  it makes me kind of sad because sometimes i don't feel like a real soldier.  i dream occasionally that he did call, and i never heard him.  let's find a happier tune.


done by my friend shok, who did the music once for an ep of e! true hollywood story, the show fast eddie, AND FOR AN M NIGHT SHYAMALAN MOVIE!

this is some truly awesome electronic music.  this song has some angelic singing set to a crazy beat and some cool sound bites.  this song is one of my favoritest songs ever and i spent YEARS trying to find it.  you need to hear it.  it used to be on mp3.com but now, i don't know.  i have it.  i'm a happy chica!

this song makes me do a crazy bellydance.  i will bellydance to anything and this is certainly no exception.  this is musical heaven.  oh man.  this is on my workout playlist.

now for some Len: steal my sunshine.  a hopelessly happy song that my cousin erica and i went nuts for when it came out.  gosh it's insanely wonderful.  the line "and of course you can't become if you only say what you would have done, so i missed a million miles of fun."  i swear this song is about getting over your bad self.  "i know it's up for me (if you steal my sunshine)."  love it.  man this is a perfect summer song, makes me think of a nice walk.  also the line "SHARON!  I LOVE YOU!"

the music has switchd and it's rehab's "sittin' at the bar."  a song about a white trash breakup.  the last lines of the chorus say it all:

she broke my heart in the trailer park

so i jacked the keys to her fuckin car.

i crashed that piece of shit and then stepped away.

best breakup song EVAR!  the end of it has these like drunken guys in a bar singing like "lalalalalaaa…HEEEEEY!" sounding every bit like real drunks.  probably were.  that is truly great.

te air conditioner has come on (and no this time i don't think it's a robot) but the sound of it is nicely underscoring "bonden og elverpigen (the peasant [bound person] and the elf-girl)" by sorten muld.  this group has got a corner on sexy music.  it even surpassed air as the group with the whole album i'd most like to get it on to.  bonden is a very smooth tune, in danish, layered creamily atop some throbby beats.  this is music for slow bellydancing and slow kissing.  really slow kissing.

it's very beautiful also, the music is so smooth that i listen to sorten muld when i'm writing.  it's not intrusive at all but it can certainly set a mood.  i am going to continue this mellow mood with "linden" which is a song about um…sex by a linden tree…or a linden tree without the sex.  a lot of danish folk songs are about sex.  i find that weird and interesting.  linden is smooth and only has vocals near the end, but they're SO SLICK that you just suddenly realize they're there.  this music really has the ability to cast imagery, and this always makes me think of walking through a dark forest.

dj sammy: the boys of summer.  this is in alex's personal playlist.  she's 3.  her taste in music is divine.  this song makes me think of alex growing up.  i kow it's a love song, and it is for me too.  i'm going to write a story inspired by this song, about an aunt who feels her niece growing distant as she grows up, and this song makes her think of the younger days.  and it's true.  when alex grows up and people in her life come and go, my love for her will still be strong.  she makes my love strong.  she's awesome.

this evening's last song will be "trampoline" by the wild strawberries.  this is in my sexy song pair with air's "biological."  "biological" is like a "cold" love song, and "trampoline" is warm like honey pouring into a golden pool in the sun.  i love bellydancing to this song.  i discovered it when i was watching "lost weekend" and heard it.  the only line i remembered from it was "baby give that quiver to me."  now, at the time i was like "ooh that's hot," and while the next line turned out to be "i can shoot an arrow through anything" i prefer sometimes to think of someone giving me a quiver.  like *that*.  it's a great and very languorous song.  yeah.

well i hope you enjoyed my little musical journey.  it was great for me.  kisses, darlings.