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INFLAMMATION! 28 June, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in blather and claptrap, inflammatory!.
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finally, my hola, mexicant’s blog post got a comment that was an unhappy one.  it wasn’t rude, just unhappy.  it took a really long time for that post to have any impact on anyone.  to celebrate this ihave created a new category: inflammatory!  so that anyone who’s angry and wants to flame, or who wants to vent and agree with some (possibly, but possibly not) ridiculous thing i have said, is able to find those important posts under one heading.  this means, ladies and gents, that you can finally have the best of CoCo, crude as ever, in between the really flowery blog posts that are my normal, loving, kind self.

kiss kiss!

oh this isn’t inflammatory enough.

YOU ALL SUCK EGGS!

(is that better?)

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the pirates of feminism (or, the patriarchy wore a dress) 28 June, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in blather and claptrap, inflammatory!.
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avast, ye mateys (and ladies) for a tragic tale of scallywags and wimmins!!!(eleventy-one)

i read this really great article in Slate Magazine about stay-at-home moms and why they should go back to work. basically if you’re an educated woman who’s somewhat well-off or can be, you’re doing a disservice to womanhood by staying home to care for your children. you should be out in the workplace, making sure that in the future, women don’t have to fight to make their way onward and upward. also, you’re stupid if you think that after taking time off to raise your kids that you’re ever going to attain the level of success that you could. (yay for success all meaning what she means by it!) this really only applies to the aforementioned elite wimmins, because as you know the poor women have no choice and are but slaves to the whims of the rest of the ladies. i thought the patriarchy had put on a dress.

while i see that in no way is Ms. O’Rourke saying that a stay at home mom is a bad mother, she has now caused people to hurl such accusations at one another. each camp believes they are the right one and the other is wrong, and that seems to me to be more hurtful to the cause of feminism than the issue the arguments began over. i believe the only bad mom is the one who doesn’t give a damn about what happens to her children. a political view cannot establish someone’s personal decisions as good or bad. the only thing left is for ever woman, then, to be fully prepared for the consequences of her decision, whatever it is, and to accept that and not blame anyone else if she’s unhappy with it.

this article from Meghan O’Rourke says that i should leave my home and put alex in day care so that i can ensure that in the future, she can get a job. i will almost say that it devalues stay-at-home motherhood. the language is chosen very carefully, but the implication is that by being with alex i am betraying her. i took this very hard. i read slate’s entire message board concerning the issue and then registered so i could chime in myself. made me crazy, i say.

i realize that women who leave the workforce are giving a tremendous amount of power to their husbands, who could verily leave them or pass away. this is a true fact. but this author assumes that the chances of this happening are so dire that any woman who stays at home is basically consigning herself to the streets. the unfortunate children of such foolish mothers, doomed to be street urchins. she also assumes that men everywhere are plotting to do this very thing to their families any day now! ladies beware, prepare, and get your butts out there! elvis is leaving the building. and when those men do leave you, ladies, they’re monsters. every last one of them. they’re going to leave you destitute and not take care of your children. *their* children. they’re barely staggering out of the primordial ooze, y’dig?

sadly, i used to spout this same rhetoric, as recently even as last year. this is before i finally caught on to that stuff my stepdad was saying about the slamming of the menfolk. he told me i can’t keep mistaking every guy for my dad. surprise, he was right. good thing i caught on before alex sustained serious damage. in the past few years i have learned a lot of things and i’d say that between alex, the death of my brother, learning compassion, and having a good mix of male friends, i have learned that there is very rarely a man who will just get up and walk away from his children. i have known men who had stepchildren that they grew to love and then upon divorce lost those children because they did not have a legal claim to them, and still mourn those losses. men, i suspect, are not going to wholesale leave their working wives in the dust with the kiddies. i just don’t see it happening.

at the same time, it’s wrong to say that women that adhere to “choice feminism” are lying to themselves about the future. is it really such a bad situation we’re in that if every homemaker doesn’t get up *rightnow* and polish up her resume, women will be relegated to the status of wageless slaves, living at the mercy of their husbands? that young upwardly mobile ladies won’t find themselves in places of success due to their hard work or the corporation’s ultimate love for the bottom line, just because they’re women? is she saying that because a woman chooses to raise her children on her own, she is choosing to deny some evanescent “greater good” that she owes her personal time to even if it may not be what it seems?

why, then, is she making with perpetuating this insanity? i think that maybe she just doesn’t understand feminism for shizle. i know, i know, big words from a nobody, but the deal is, feminism isn’t about making other chicks do what you want just because you tell them that it’s going to save the future of the womb.

someone named “grimskunk” made this post on the message board, and it seems to me to sum up the whole thing:

“What I LOVE about feminism, and this article in particular, is the repeated anthem: “YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.” Repeat ad nauseum.
Ever wonder why women are overly self-conscious? You’re never good enough until you live like a man. DENY YOURSELVES, you’re flawed as a gender.

Frickin hilarious.”

this guy put the tko on the whole argument, because he’s right on the mark.

random pondering 27 June, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in 420 posts, blather and claptrap.
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if you had yourself cloned, and then had sex with yourself, would it be masturbation, incest, or just plain homosexuality?  and if it’s homosexuality, is it wrong since you’re with yourself?  this question pops up in my head from time to time.  do let me know if you have any insight.

skype magic 27 June, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in 420 posts, blather and claptrap.
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so i got all happy and went to skype with my friends. it’s been great. it’s included my reading an unfinished erotic story to them, amidst amazingly mind-bending giggles and heckling sound effects from the peanut gallery. then we had a lot of giggles, then we looked at some pics from a sex products website, and now we are doing karaoke.  with giggles.
the phrase “surge of maleness” came up, courtesy of my story fragment.

my stepdad told me today that chuck norris is gayer than a guy named phrootboodie deeeelish. yes, those were his actual words. ladies and gents. of the JURY! of my peers. the INTNERNET JURY.

p.s. i have no idea what i am talking about.

don’t be afraid to be weak 20 June, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in blather and claptrap.
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don't be too proud to be strong

so today i am thinking a little bit about my brother. i don't really know what i am thinking about him, he is just on my mind in general. i can't believe he's not here. i can't believe he's frozen in time. the clawing black hole has gotten a little smaller or something. i think after nearly six years i am finally accepting of the past and the future. he's been gone and no, he won't be back. just thinking that, though, makes me feel kind of sick. i just wasn't prepared for that.

let me tell you. he was a good cook. we spent a lot of time up in the middle of the night. on the couch watching really crappy movies on usa up all night. sometimes if the movie sucked we'd walk up the hill to denny's (maybe a 2 minute walk if you don't have any legs) and have some late-night breaskfast food. the waiters liked us and made us aware of something called a sleepwalker. this was later put on the menu as the "appetizer sampler." what a terrble thing.

my brother often hid things in those triangular stand-up glossy dealies they had on the table pimping their latest deals. most notably hidden was the orange juice carafe. every. single. time. we had a great time. even when we were so broke that we couldn't afford a christmas tree. my brother and i went out and found a nice pine tree and detached a large and verdant branch. we put it in an umbrella stand and then made ornaments from paper by drawing "hairy chestwigs" and "buckets of beards." mom was delighted. he had a similar twisted sense of humor to mine. nowadays my sister and i are very similar, and i think a lot of that really came from losing him and trying to capture any essence of him that we had left.

he was a cool guy. i'm watching The First 48, which is a show that each week details the first 48 hours into 2 homicide investigations. i watch these shows so i don't forget.

the detectives just told someone that their son was dead. the father sat in shock, the mother, she began waving her hands in the air and making noises. i made those kinds of noises. i heard my mother screamed. he was my brother, sure, and it wasn't the same as a child but it hurt terribly. i can only imagine the pain of a mother is like a primal scream. it's biology itself shrieking in horror and pain. all the time, on this show, they have to tell someone's mama that their child is dead. this poem is dedicated to the mothers on The First 48, and to the mothers of murder victims everywhere.

i'm sorry, lady

for a really long time you took care of them

you protected them inside your body

and inside your heart

they were the pain you suffered to give them light

they were the smile you felt with your whole body

the person whose voice mattered most in a chorus calling your name

the maker of your most brilliant memories

i don't know your name and i've never talked to you

the only children i have ever lost were gone to a painful past

not yours, your shining babies, your beautiful gift to earth
the part you wrote into the play of your world

you didn't fail to protect them. the world had its way

i'm sorry lady. i wish i could hold you

i wish i could will it all to be okay

i wish i could shield you for one more moment, one more day, one second

before the lines of your legacy are erased from the pages of lineage

before you can shed a tear i am far away watching and

i am whispering with my own tears

i'm sorry, lady.

sunday morning movie time 18 June, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in blather and claptrap.
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there's a movie on called AeroTroopers. i thought it was going to be bad, because i wasn't sure about the animation. but i have to tell you. this is really good. there's a mythos and a story and this movie is rich with the details of the kind of life the characters lead. children have dangerous jobs if they're able to do them, and gosh, the funeral scene made me cry. i wish that when i died someone sent my body aloft like that.

i'm awed by the depth and breadth of the writer's vision. as time goes on, i am more and more taken by verbal exercise of the imagination. i blather. i'm just saying, you know. this movie really speaks to me. it's inspiring.

venus envy 17 June, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in 420 posts, blather and claptrap.
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there's a girl that hangs out in an irc channel i also hang out in.  it's a channel to discuss a…something.  i don't know.  i went there from another channel that was for an open source os.  i happen to be the least logical person in the world.  this girl is my negative.  she's like, a programming genius.  she talks in code the way she speaks english.  it is amazing and burn with envy.  burn.  

 oh how i wish to be like her.  speaking in that cryptic language of wordsthatruntogether separated briefly by capital letters and symbols.  exotic abbreviations and polynomial functions.  someone mentioned using music as a somethingy something.  i was in awe.  i asked about the shepard tone (since they were breaking an octave down to a level that literally made my head hurt) and the reply i got was completely not in any english language i have ever heard of.  all i caught was "harmonics."  it baffles me endlessly how i can come up with a *workable* concept for a direct neural interface based only on what i knew about the human body,  but i am stymied by things like math and computer science.  heck i can even understand complicated biological texts.  i feel so inadequate. 

i come up with a lot of ideas.  some of them, like stonenotes (see sidebar) become real through the hands of other people, but for the most part i am a fiction girl.  fiction rarely changes the world, but a mathematical equation or a clever piece of software can.  i feel like i am not as smart as i could be.

so this girl, whom i hold in very high esteem, intimidates me.  she's so nice and i wish i weren't feeling so cowed by her.  this must be one of those life lessons like "you're just as awesome as anyone else but in your own way.  just like everyone else."  but it feels more like "coco if you could code you would totall rock." 

spj’s blog…redux! 17 June, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in blather and claptrap, stuff and nonsense.
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looky there!  i changed my theme.  i was kind of nervous about it at first.  while i love new, exciting, different things and a lot of change, what i don't like to change are things that are home and comfortable.  but i forged ahead and think i did pretty well.  dig my new masthead!  that was done by Goonigoogoo, the man behind Bigger than Cheeses, the webcomic that will whip your webcomic's ass. thanks GOON! baby you know i love you.  

i'm feeling pretty good.  life's not as horrible as it seemed 20 minutes ago when i was wondering why there wasn't anything on the tv.  for sure!

what else is new, hmm, well, contemplating travel.  where to, you ask?  perhaps gay pah-ree, or amsterdam, or canadia.  WHO CAN SAY?  all i can say is, beware, innocent little world.  a coco might show up at your place.  BEWARE!

hmm this reminds me.  this totally reminds me.  check my sidebar for the stonenotes link.  CHECK OUT STONENOTES!  you know nothing of the beauty of  blueapples if you have not checked out stonenotes.  DO IT.  you will be so happy you did.  if you use windows.

mmm forensic files.  take care, lovely bloggery thing you.  kiss kiss, darling. 

did i dream you dreamed about me? 16 June, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in blather and claptrap.
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tonight i made an impulse purchase. rash and foolish, but it's the only one i could find on the whole of the internet. this is it, sun moon stars perfumed powder. ever since sun moon stars came out i have been crazy for it. not just because i love astronomy and space (but boy do i ever!), but because the commercials were so evocative, and when i smelled it i knew it was perfect for me. this is the only scent that has ever really seemed to be, well, me. i also like clinique happy but sun moon stars makes me feel beautiful. not like i dress up a lot, so i won't be wearing it all the time, but should i have reason to want to smell and feel lovely, i will have the good stuff to do it. i'm going to have to write the lagerfeld company and petition them peskily to FIND ME MORE SUN MOON STARS POWDER. this is crucial. real crucial.
my sister came home today with alex. i enjoyed my day off but i was sooo glad to see my malinky. one night by myself was enough to make me appreciate the divine noise of my household.

my sister got this book, "Superflirt" and it's very interesting. full of good stuff about body language. i'm an excellent flirt in person, unless i really like you, then i become a dork. this book has info and insight and all kinds of other stuff. let's just see how that goes. perhaps i will gain CONFIDENCE!

hmm not much else going on. well, a little something. i'm going to begin writing letters. i've been thinking about them and well, yeah i think it's a good idea. it will help expand my writing skills. no, you may not read them but thanks for asking! 🙂

i think it's about time i hit that bedtime highway. it's been wonderful, my lovely blog, talking to you.

i love you all

wherever you are

i love you

the soundtrack of my night 13 June, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in 420 posts, blather and claptrap, little navigations.
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today has been a good day.  i would also like to point out that i LOVE how wordpress uses these huge letters when you're writing a post.  i freaking love that.  and the font is so cute i feel like a little kid.

 so right now i am listening to elis regina's "cartomante" which is the song i swear will be the first song i dance to with my husband should i ever marry.  it's a slow samba, so we'll have to go to lessons.  i love this song.  it's so powerful and triumpant sounding.  this is a song for wild and glorious dancing.  when it comes on i sing along (as much as i can, it's in portuguese) and lose my mind right about the a capella part of the chorus:

cai o rei de espadas

cai o rei de ouros

cai o rei de paus

cai no fica nada!

which means, about literally (and i love it literally because it's kinda poetic): falls the kind of swords, falls the king of silver, falls the king of wood, fall, it means nothing!  HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!  a cartomante is a fortune teller and the song is basically about how you cannot try to tell the future and so should love while you can and enjoy the moment.  or at least i'm pretty sure that's what it is.  i've had about 4 portuguese speakers on the case.  it's just a great song.  i love it and i love singing the portuguese too, it just rolls off my tongue.

 alex also loves this song.

 next up is from "Little Shop of Horrors" and it's "Suddenly Seymour."  i contend this is the most romatic song ever.  instead of it being all about flowers and gardens and hearts and shit, it's about 2 people who doubt themselves but want to be in love.  i mean like how telling is this:

(seymour) tell me this feeling lasts til forever

tell me the bad times are clean washed away

(audrey) please understand that it's too strange and frightening

for losers like i've been, it's so hard to say

that is so real.  that's how real people feel sometimes.  alex is also nuts about this song.

next up is kane and abel and master p's "time after time" which uses some hip-hop girls breathily warbling the chorus between a pretty poignant structure of rap choruses.  this is a song about being locked up on your kids' birthdays, getting shot, being alone when all your homeys die, and the most infamous line in my hip hop line repertoire "my homey's in the pen doing life plus one.  when he call me collect, to accept i press one."  the next line balances it out "my benz is your benz, my house is your home.  if you even need a friend call abel on the phone."  master p raps smoothly about drugs and satan "and the devil be the dope man." and there's this chant "we gon' ball till we fall.  real soldiers gon' be there when they homies call."

i realize this is rap music and maybe silly, but at the same time it makes me think of my brother because we used to listen to this song and laugh.  it makes me kind of sad because sometimes i don't feel like a real soldier.  i dream occasionally that he did call, and i never heard him.  let's find a happier tune.

 LAVENDER HILL MOB: 655321

done by my friend shok, who did the music once for an ep of e! true hollywood story, the show fast eddie, AND FOR AN M NIGHT SHYAMALAN MOVIE!

this is some truly awesome electronic music.  this song has some angelic singing set to a crazy beat and some cool sound bites.  this song is one of my favoritest songs ever and i spent YEARS trying to find it.  you need to hear it.  it used to be on mp3.com but now, i don't know.  i have it.  i'm a happy chica!

this song makes me do a crazy bellydance.  i will bellydance to anything and this is certainly no exception.  this is musical heaven.  oh man.  this is on my workout playlist.

now for some Len: steal my sunshine.  a hopelessly happy song that my cousin erica and i went nuts for when it came out.  gosh it's insanely wonderful.  the line "and of course you can't become if you only say what you would have done, so i missed a million miles of fun."  i swear this song is about getting over your bad self.  "i know it's up for me (if you steal my sunshine)."  love it.  man this is a perfect summer song, makes me think of a nice walk.  also the line "SHARON!  I LOVE YOU!"

the music has switchd and it's rehab's "sittin' at the bar."  a song about a white trash breakup.  the last lines of the chorus say it all:

she broke my heart in the trailer park

so i jacked the keys to her fuckin car.

i crashed that piece of shit and then stepped away.

best breakup song EVAR!  the end of it has these like drunken guys in a bar singing like "lalalalalaaa…HEEEEEY!" sounding every bit like real drunks.  probably were.  that is truly great.

te air conditioner has come on (and no this time i don't think it's a robot) but the sound of it is nicely underscoring "bonden og elverpigen (the peasant [bound person] and the elf-girl)" by sorten muld.  this group has got a corner on sexy music.  it even surpassed air as the group with the whole album i'd most like to get it on to.  bonden is a very smooth tune, in danish, layered creamily atop some throbby beats.  this is music for slow bellydancing and slow kissing.  really slow kissing.

it's very beautiful also, the music is so smooth that i listen to sorten muld when i'm writing.  it's not intrusive at all but it can certainly set a mood.  i am going to continue this mellow mood with "linden" which is a song about um…sex by a linden tree…or a linden tree without the sex.  a lot of danish folk songs are about sex.  i find that weird and interesting.  linden is smooth and only has vocals near the end, but they're SO SLICK that you just suddenly realize they're there.  this music really has the ability to cast imagery, and this always makes me think of walking through a dark forest.

dj sammy: the boys of summer.  this is in alex's personal playlist.  she's 3.  her taste in music is divine.  this song makes me think of alex growing up.  i kow it's a love song, and it is for me too.  i'm going to write a story inspired by this song, about an aunt who feels her niece growing distant as she grows up, and this song makes her think of the younger days.  and it's true.  when alex grows up and people in her life come and go, my love for her will still be strong.  she makes my love strong.  she's awesome.

this evening's last song will be "trampoline" by the wild strawberries.  this is in my sexy song pair with air's "biological."  "biological" is like a "cold" love song, and "trampoline" is warm like honey pouring into a golden pool in the sun.  i love bellydancing to this song.  i discovered it when i was watching "lost weekend" and heard it.  the only line i remembered from it was "baby give that quiver to me."  now, at the time i was like "ooh that's hot," and while the next line turned out to be "i can shoot an arrow through anything" i prefer sometimes to think of someone giving me a quiver.  like *that*.  it's a great and very languorous song.  yeah.

well i hope you enjoyed my little musical journey.  it was great for me.  kisses, darlings.