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Guys, seriously with the hard water 14 October, 2009

Posted by silentpyjamas in thing-a-lings.
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Oh my gosh come ON!  People who have commented on this post about the dangers of Dihydrogen monoxide COME ON!  I was kidding.  Please stop telling me I’m stupid.

I know from water, k?


Well now that I’ve been linked 14 October, 2009

Posted by silentpyjamas in blather and claptrap, shout-outs.
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I suppose I must update this thing.  It’s been ages.  Let’s see, where to start.

Well first, hello twitterers!  Thanks to esszeeeeye (with whom I had a brief and intense if one-sided romance for several tweets) I might have a hit or 2.  Hello, sorry my blog is in such a state.  I generally refer to this as “my old blog” because I hardly ever write here any more.  Don’t read anything if you have any sense.  It’s all maudlin and emo.

Am I still crazy?  Yes.  In fact I just got out of the hospital after a mercifully one-night-only psych hold.  I’ve moved beyond trying to analyze this craziness and instead I just throw it all into stories and hope that something good comes out of it.

I’m avoiding looking back at some of these blog posts because they’re AWFUL.  I can’t believe I thought I was so clever or something.  On a few of them I did have some insight and I kinda like my poem “You Sail Away” (it’s on here somewhere and I’m too lazy just now to find the link.  It’s not a trrible poem though) so it’s not all bad.  But hey now that I’m here again perhaps I should keep it up.

I’m going to remove some of the stuff.  Well not remove, but make private.  I’ve kind of made up with the dad of my youth who hurt me so, so I don’t think my angry birthday diatribe needs to be really out there any more.  If you’re curious as to what it’s about, think of the kind of childhood that the weird creepy scared kid in your class probably had to make them that way.  He went there and now he’s gone the other way.  Almost 2 years ago now we actually hugged.  He initiated this hug.  For a moment I thought he was wearing a suicide vest or something.

My niece is 6 now and is a smart cookie.  You can see in the flickr feed that she rules in my photos and has grown up to be a hilariously expressive child.  She used to be so tiny, remember that, guys?  CRAZY!

Re: my tragically singleness (yes I know that’s gramatically incorrect but you could read it as tragically single ness if you understand my theory of ness) – It’s cool.  I can’t believe I was honestly so angsty.  I should have caught a beatdown long ago for being emo.

And to all the souls who were so unhappy that I gave up on Linux, I gave it another chance and it turned out to be kind of like an okay boyfriend.  Not sure yet if I want to spend the rest of my life waking up to it, but definitely intrigued and wanting to get more familiar.

So, thanks bunches, please don’t think that the CoCo then is the same CoCo now.  I was kind of a whiner.  And probably obnoxious.  But sometimes I could make a complete sentence or two.

-And yes, the “Other Places” are still there.

On Torture Porn 22 September, 2008

Posted by silentpyjamas in blather and claptrap, inflammatory!.
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i think i’ll be doing a double post today.  possibly.  we’ll just see about that.
it’s been a good while since i’ve posted and perhaps that’s for the good, since i’ve had a lot to think about and perhaps a bit of maturing to do.  much like my livejournal (you’ll never find it), i look back at my past posts on this blog and think it’s pretty emo.  or lame.  or stupid or what-have-you.

anyway, i was taking a break from working today and somehow got onto the topic of “torture porn” films.  this is sort of a radom interest of mine.  i love horror films, and i don’t even mind gory ones.  there are certain places i can’t go though.

when i was in my 20’s i watched a movie called “Blood Sucking Freaks” which was to be sure pretty epxloitative and graphically violent.  it seemed to me to be, as painful as the tortures appeared, cartoon violence.  it wasn’t really serious.  i’ve sat through many things and held my stomach contents and my drinks and my composure.  several years ago i went to one of the swanky cinemas here in town with my mom to watch the movie “Saw” which seemed like it would be great fun based on the sort of choices the victims had to make.  it’s not a bad movie, but i haven’t and probably will not see the sequels.  nor Hostel and its sequels.  nor turistas, captivity, or any of the new bumper crop of blood-drenched films out there.

it seems perhaps foolish of me to write this as i admit to not having viewed more than one film in this genre.  i have good reasons, let me elaborate.

in 2000, as any reader of my blog (this one or that horrible lj) knows, my brother and his roommate were murdered.  i sat in courtrooms for many days in the ensuing 5 years, for hearings, a trial, for sentencings.  i made victim statements, i lashed out at people, i talked to reporters.  most of all, i saw a photograph of my brother on an autopsy table.  i heard the woman who lived downstairs recount, on several occasions, the horror of hearing lives being taken in the apartment upstairs.

i threw up every day, i was stressed out all the time, i drank too much.  and when i would go to bed and close my eyes the crime, as told through photographs, testimonies, and police/criminologist/pathologist reports played through my head again and again.

when i went to watch saw, i felt uncomfortable.  i chided myself for being old-fashioned.  for loving only cheezy old slasher flicks.  for not being with it.

it took me some time to realize what it is about these films that makes me sort of want to watch them but know that if i do i will feel filthy and awful.  i’ve read the wikipedia entry for pretty much every horror movie in existence.  possibly also the imdb entry.  and movie review entries on every site i could find.  what gets me is this.  everywhere, these tortures are described in such detail that eventually they become clinical.  “decapitated” “severed” “crushed” “burned” “stabbed” “beaten” “raped” etc show up again and again, in blase tones as if this is just perfectly ducky.  it may be, i could be getting old and being wrong and in fact not be with it at all.  but what gets me from movie clips and trailers, and all of that reading, is the way the camera lingers lovingly on this pain.

that is where i must draw the line.  i cannot watch some innocent person in an impossible situation, begging and screaming for his or her life, sobbing, desperate, knowing that something is coming and maybe not specifically what but that this something includes “the end.”  i never physically heard my brother screaming for his life, but in my mind i have heard it a million times.  it’s not entertaining, believe me.  it makes for a very anxious insomniac.  i imagine the look on his face, the fear in his eyes, the primal terror that this is it.  this is the end.  there is no way to escape from this and i cannot imagine watching someone who i am supposed to empathize with, going through that.  especially to no purpose. 

it frightens me that the centerpiece of these films seems to be the brutalizing of innocence.  “darling, let me linger and watch the light go out of your eyes.”  where’s the triumph?  where’s the resolution?  that the good guys all die at the end or in saving themselves, become the bad guys?  i reiterate that i might just be a special case here, but does it make anyone else’s skin crawl that the piece de resistance of these movies is the absolute and unabating nihilism that seems inherent in their plots?  horror films has always been the stuff of nightmares but these are bad dreams i don’t want to have.

i’ve heard it said these movies are addressing the brutal truths of life.  terrorism.  torture and abduction.  pain and horror.  there are ways to convey that without making naked barbarity the dressing for every course of the meal.  when you tell me “this is some basically decent young person” (as my brother was) “who may or may not have made the best choices in the past” (everyone may or may not have done that) “that is about to undergo horrifying torture and pain without relent until they expire, in the most possibly gruesome way” you are saying to me “there’s no story to tell here but there are plenty of pictures you’ll wish you had never seen.”

i’ve already seen those pictures.

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i am a doofus when it comes to Linux! (or, how i learned to stop worrying and love XP) 5 November, 2007

Posted by silentpyjamas in 23642.
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recently i installed linux mint on one of my machines. it was recommended to me by a friend (whom i don’t blame, i love you mc!) as an easy desktop alternative to windows. i was excited. this required a lot of work. first i had to poke around inside my machine and make the 20gb hd the primary master so i could use the 120 gb drive as storage. sounds good right? it took me a good 5 days to get mint installed. i don’t blame linux for this. the machine is a p2. it’s old. granny needs some coaxing sometimes. it would just get a little farther in the install process before just hanging on me. finally, it happened. i was so thrilled because it ran so SLOWLY from the livecd. old machine i blame!

i installed linux for one reason only. it was not the pleas of my friends to “just give it a try and see how awesome it is” or to play with all the linux-based software that i lament i can never find for windows (cool mind map programs i am talking to YOU!) i did it to install mp3act. mp3act is a swell streaming jukebox thing. i have a lot of music and my poor tablet (which is out for repairs ;_;) was getting full of music and running out of space for important things like programs that i don’t need but are fun to play with. but it only works on linux servers. i was going to make me a webserver.

and i did, with the help of a friend (thanks Aldryic!). i’ve done command line in linux before. once a laptop broke and i couldn’t boot into windows anymore but i wanted all my writing notes. a couple of friends helped me out (thanks Adam and Art!) i’ve ssh’d before (thanks whoever you were in my distant past!). i don’t blame anyone!

except linux. i know i just said i don’t blame linux, and i don’t, for that thing up there, but i do blame it for being hard to understand. when i installed mint it told me i did not need a root account. so i didn’t make one. i sudo’d this. i sudo’d that. the only thing i didn’t sudo was “make me a sandwich.” perhaps i should before i reinstall windows.

turns out that i need a root password to do anything i really want. this is very difficult. i like windows because i enter my password one time and then i can do anything. in addition, i can point the mouse at everything and click it. and it just works. if i want to install something i click the .exe, instead of typing apt-install. i’m not dissing linux, or mint, which is quite a lovely os. but i am blaming linux for being a little more complex than one might realize before trying it.

lest you think i go around installing operating systems without having a clue, i work on an open source software team. i am a pretty geeky chick. i have read up on linux but there is far too much to learn that is important, than people may let on.

there is also the problem (which i hear is dwindling) of elitist linux gurus who like to remind windows users that if they’re so stupid they should just go back to windows. i’ll give props to the mint people, never once did i get this attitude from them. i did, however, get it from some other linux users who told me that OBviously i should have known root was important and OBviously i should have known the diff between su and sudo and i should have known this thing and that. i didn’t know that i would have to read a shit-ton of books before trying it.

to anyone who manages to use linux out of the box, fresh from windows, and can get it running and do everything they want, i say wahoo. good show, you, because damn, as much as i know, i still had no idea that i would be in for this amount of work to do something in linux that would have taken me about 12 minutes in windows. i just didn’t see the benefit for me.

and as far as viruses, etc, i’m going to have to blame the prevalence of windows viruses on dingalings. i’ve been using windows a long time and when i get a blue screen it’s a big effing deal because i never do. viruses, spyware, etc, doesn’t really happen to me. i’m going to guess that dingalings using windows are responsible for the bad name windows gets. no wonder linux rarely gets viruses, they probably just get worn out. i’d get tired too if i had to navigate my way through an operating system just to cause some damage. word is linux is for elitists and hardcore nerds. i say, let ’em have it. it’s good for webservers and i hope in the future that is all the contact i ever have with it again. as for me, as soon as i find my windows cd, i’m going to be able to network my machines again.

oh bill gates, you’re my steve jobs-esque hero except without being creepy. ❤ windows!

I HAS A STALKER! 6 October, 2007

Posted by silentpyjamas in 420 posts.
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Love, The Evil Twin 19 September, 2007

Posted by silentpyjamas in n-s-e-t, pimpery, shout-outs.
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The Photographer’s Choice by Andrea Lindenberg (Book) in Arts & Photography

go right now and check this out. buy it if you like horses, or photography, photographs of horses, or simply pretty things. my Not-So-Evil-Twin is a brilliant photographer. her blog is a great read, for she’s also a wonderful writer. for years i have wished her much success and she’s been working her way into a tiny bit of being fay-moose*. she’s doing what i want to be doing, and i’m so happy for her i could pop! watch out, i’ll be following in her footsteps eventually, but not yet!

sister from another mister, i love you and i am sooooo happy to see your book on lulu. this is gorgeous and wonderful and the preview images are just great. that little girl’s smile is a sparkler, and once again you have proved that you have such a wonderful eye for capturing a moment at the peak of its passion. brava to you and i’m gonna have one delivered to your house so you can autograph it for me! love, love, and more love. i miss you (been too busy) but gosh i had to take a minute to tell you that i burst into tears of happiness when i saw this. love love love. ❤ i hope it brings you all that you deserve.

go, right now, people! check out the lulu page. go to her flickr and see the multitude of amazing images she has! read her blog and see how much she loves her art and the horses and the world she lives in. GO LOOK! i’m serious, you cannot fail to be awed.

(again) I LOVE YOU N-S-E-T!!

Love, The Evil Twin

*fay-moose = famous

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Flock got mixed up in T3h Kuby Kaper 19 September, 2007

Posted by silentpyjamas in flockulism.
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i discovered a cool extension for flock today, called me.dium. it’s this weird social networking thing that…stuff. and things! it’s super-cool! this post was made using the swell flock blog editor which made this blog post not only possible, but way more likely than it would have been if i wasn’t using flock. the flock blog editor is what i use when i am not using windows live writer for the ink blogging feature. the second flock has ink blogging (with imagemap maker so i can make hyperlinks out of scribblins!) i am going to be using iflock full-time for teh bloggins. look out for posts in the future about flock and ink, by the way!

i met a neat guy who, upon seeing my pics of the piggies, he decided to make a funny lolcat-esque thingy for his crazy site and i think i like it! click the “i has flavr” at the bottom to see the post with the catburglary and the kuby kaper. ❤ p.s. more guinea pig pics at that crazy site. this guy is having fun and i am having fun with him!


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join the Flock! 18 September, 2007

Posted by silentpyjamas in flockulism.
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i, coco, am a dedicated flockulist. seriously dedicated. what’s flock? it’s a super-cool web browser. not just any browser, it’s the social browser. THE social browser. can’t get enough of it. what’s that, you say? what’s so great about it?

i’ll tell you. as you may know, i have a great love for my niece. she is gorgeous. she is smart. she is funny. she has wonderful aim. my sister and i have been recording her life in photographs since she was born. it took me forever to get around to uploading batches of photos. i got photobucket. i got flickr. i got this thing and that but what i didn\’t have was the desire to log in to a webpage and post photos. it was a frustrating experience to try migrating my photos from photobucket (where they are private) to flickr (where only some of them are). i found that to nass export from photobucket required me to become a paid member. i only like to pay for x number of things at a time and it wasn’t like i was doing anything special with photobucket. the other issue was tags. tags and tags and tags. it took me a good while to get used to using them.

one day someone said “try flock!” i was hesitant because at the time i barely had a myspace which i still only use for keeping track of people without having to email them. social bookmarks? facebook? you gotta be kidding me! work work and more work.

i was, however, drawn in by the pretty blue circle with the white star. oh how i love stars. i decided right then and there to give it a shot. since that moment, flock has to be absent from a computer for me to use another browser.

with BRILLIANCE the media bar with the clever flickr uploader helped me move my photos. i don’t remember the specifics but i do remember that it took me only a couple hours to tag, edit, and upload. i even got into the habit of writing descriptions for my photos. score 1 for flock.  this is a major victory because i am known to be media-lazy.

know what else is awesome about flock? the built-in blog editor. it’s super-awesome. both nifty and handy and, again, saving the trouble of going to a webpage to log in.  this also keeps me from being distracted by checking other posts or following my blogroll links.  i have about 8 blogs.  one sign-up at the account manager and i am done.  just open the blog editor and post.  genius.

i have been trying to get into rss feeds. it’s difficult, as i routinely forget to check them. at this very moment i have 1184 new feed thingies. i am only signed up for about 12 feeds so as you can see, i don’t get around to remembering to check them more often. the point is, however, that i *can* and that is totally awesome.  the feed reader opens right in the sidebar (oh sidebar <3!)  and i can read them all.  this is one of my favorite features.  i have a friend who is hot for google reader (and it is oh-so-nice) but there is that whole thing of (say it with me) logging in to google to check.

i’m not trying to insinuate that flock is a browser for the profoundly lazy (i would never do that!) but it is wonderful for people who have so much stuff to do that they would forget it all if it weren’t right in their browser, smiling at them beneficently, beckoning them to join in and be social and have fun.

what else can i extoll? thanks to flock, i joined magnolia. it’s a bookmarking service with some periods in the name but i forget where. i found the excellent irc channel (irc.flock.com #flock) which is full of really neat people who actually listen and respond when you talk to them about their product (or anything else. i should ask if any of them has a nice recipe for red velvet cake). in short, flock is a wonderful, pretty browser that is useful in a million ways and can be so configured that even i, coco, the configurationist, haven’t fiddled with all of the settings yet.

the video, here, is of the flock CEO, shawn hardin showing off flock 1.0. i’m signed up for the beta test and i can’t wait! i’ve been using this browser for quite some time now and have been through several versions of it. i haven’t found a single reason not to keep it up. watch the video with the caveat that what he is demonstrating is a drop in the bucket in terms of features and general awesomeness available in flock.

[podtech content=http://media1.podtech.net/media/2007/09/PID_012579/Podtech_flock.flv&postURL=http://www.podtech.net/home/4151/flock-ceo-shawn-hardin-demos-the-social-browser&totalTime=594000&breadcrumb=bd13b1e36014425682ab5d1d66b84350]

without even the words 17 May, 2007

Posted by silentpyjamas in poem-tree.

without even the words
to tell myself how i feel
my hands are fists on the wall
bricks and blood and animal sounds
i can hardly breathe
i haven’t cried so much in so long
if i want to stop it inside
i have to stop it on the outside
i keep trying to shut the door but it won’t close
besides i can see you through the windows
my nails
what nails
can’t claw hard enough
can’t dig a hole fast enough to bury myself in
i love you
i hate you
i love you
i hate you
i’m sorry, i have to turn around
because i can’t stand hear your words
and only see your back
maybe we should whisper
or not speak at all
i can tear down the vines but the ivy will keep growing
until i destroy the root
i hate you
i hate you
oh, i hate you so much
i wish i didn’t love you
and maybe wish i never had

the bleh and the bleh-er 9 May, 2007

Posted by silentpyjamas in blather and claptrap.

sometimes i login to this blog to say things and then realize that i am saying like, some shit i said aaaages ago.  it’s SO WEIRD.  also dumb.

one might think that after all of this time and these crazy-ass depressions i have been having, i might go to the doc and get some medicine.  one might *think*.  except i HATE medicines.  sure say what you want about like, being crazy and stuff.  i know, i KNOW that if i had medicines i would be like all not-that-depressed and then not-that-manic and possibly not-that-psychotic.

of course then i would also be not-that-coco either, because nothing says “hello, zombie!” like someone on medication lurching their way through life.  you might call this “better” but i call it “unhealthy.”

anyways that’s it.  my friendships are crumbling around me (it’s a cycle, you know) it seems, and i am frustrated with trying to build my company.  really i just about no longer care about anything.  i’d sure like to raise my brother from the dead and trade places with him.