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no harm, no foul 3 December, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in 420 posts.
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and then extend your hand to me with a smile on your lips but not in your eyes.  i didn’t know we wanted this, but i guess i know now.  what do we do with this thing.  can we bury it and forget that we ever handled it?  you don’t know me and i don’t know you.  i would like to think we did at some point, and that we lost it.  but now i don’t think that’s the case at all.

but then turn from me an hide the light in your eyes.  i remember the last time we talked.  i didn’t know those would be the final echoes in the allway of our relationship.  i’ve cut my fingers trying to turn back the hands on the clock.  still it ticks on.  erasure is taking over you in my mind and the clawing silence is cold and unknowable.  is it a dishonor to say i wish i had never known you?

in that moment i caught your words on the wind and floated on them to my own personal xanadu.  it seems strange now to see that my sail has always been full of holes.  what is this place i have arrived at?  the wine has turned to water and the fruits to rocks.  honey for blood.  that’s not a fire.  it’s a will o’ the wisp.

until now i wasn’t ever right or wrong.  now i am both.  all of you are drowning me in my thoughts and it’s both a joy and a torture.  i want to remember you but i can’t wait to forget.  i imagine and imagine and imagine that somehow someday we will unravel the knots that bind us.  if you don’t believe me then tell me and i will stop trying to sever myself from you.   nobody ever loved you in the warped, twisted way that i had to.  nobody could love you the way you made me love you.  do you want me to stop now?  this love is heavy love.

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