Dream: The MMORPG (kudos to Spaceman42 for the title)

so i have been having one of my usual weirdnesses.  it’s a new city this time and shall henceforth be known as Dream City.  this may or may not be the location of the pink city apartment.  i can’t tell at the moment.  it’s weird.  i have had a LOT of dreams in the past about this place but it’s sort of akin to being dropped into various random places of the same city without ever knowing where you are or even that each time, you’re in the same place.

it’s interesting to experience.  yesterday i started having the “live” hallucinations, in which i the middle of the day i suddenly feel i have teleported here after a week being somewhere else in my other life there.  i have finally come up with a comparison for that it feels like at these times.

imagine a hard drive.  the hard drive is like, tethered to the computer.  the only way it can talk to other computers is through a network.  it can never really touch them.  my sister is a hard drive.  i am a usb drive.  all of the data that is me can be moved to another computer and plugged in, and interact with it as if i am normally a part of it.  it recognizes me as a drive and it interacts with me, and for me, the drive, it is as if that is always my computer.

i hope that makes some sense of it.  and now without further ado i present the irc log from today’s chat in which i discuss this new concept.  i was going to keep it secret but really, it’s not going to kill me to share.  i have this paranoid fear that someone will steal my ideas but seriously, like this story hasn’t been done before.  besides, i’m all about open-source, so here’s the source.

[18:53] <@spj_zeez> like what if

[18:53] <@spj_zeez> there was a city somewhere

 [18:53] <@spj_zeez> populated entirely by the dream-lives of sleeping people

[18:53] <@Sqrrl101> Whoa.

 [18:53] <@Sqrrl101> That’s weird.

[18:53] <phosphers> interesting, but something similar undoubtably has been done

– – – – – – – –

[18:56] <@spj_zeez> the idea has been coming to me because like, i have been dreaming about this city and like, in every dream it’s just like i’m doing something normal

[18:56] <@spj_zeez> but sometimes i go to parts of the city i’ve been to before and whereas previously they were populated, they are like, bereft of any people at all

[18:56] <@spj_zeez> and completely dark. like deserted

[18:56] <@Sqrrl101> Cool.[18:57] <@spj_zeez> and i’m like wow man, wouldn ‘t it be crazy if it’s because nobody but me was dreaming of that part of the city, and i was only dreaming about what i was doing so it was unpopulated at that time

[18:57] <@spj_zeez> and what if, in fact, the appearance changed slightly from time to time, of the city, because if there’s nobody around, it goes away and the next person who dreams it may dream it a little or a lot differently

[18:58] <@Sqrrl101> Like some kind of central dream-server.

[18:58] <@spj_zeez> yeah man

[18:58] <@spj_zeez> wouldn’t that be crazy?

[18:58] <Spaceman42> Dream: The MMORPG.
….
….

yes, wouldn’t it be crazy indeed. 

i also feel like ihave learned a lot about myself in the past couple of days.  i swear it’s been longer than that but it really hasn’t.  i feel good.  better than i have in a while and not just because i ran into someone who knows what these crazy hallucinations are probably called.  i spent about 3/4 of a day worrying myself before i was like “you know what?  is tacking a name onto it and angsting over taking meds going to make it go away or make you anyone other than who you are?” 

“nope”

and this is the truth.  i feel really good, i feel like the weight of that worry and fear that i have had for so many years is lifted from me.  not to say i won’t have isolated incidents of fright from staring occasionally into the naked face of my fear or losing touch permanently.  more like, that constant worry, it isn’t going to change anything.  it’s not even going to make me take meds because i don’t want to live the rest of my life being someone else just avoid some weird potential outcome that may not even happen.

i think also i have a wonderful group of people in my real and virtual lives who keep me tethered enough that i won’t float away any time soon.  instead i am sticking to my cause of spinning these crazy experiences to stories because who knows, maybe my imagination is so powerful it interrupts my daily life on occasion to tell a story to me that i need to be writing down.

i’m both the girl you know, and not the girl you know.  but i’m the girl i don’t know sometimes, too.  it’s not that terrible though, because without this i don’t think i would have the imagination i do.  and hey, my imagination is awesome.