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myspace 9 August, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in stuff and nonsense.

i have this myspace.  it’s so weird because i really only signed up for it at first to look at someone’s photos.  then my friends Nic and Rob found me on it, then my sister got one, i learned my stepdad had one, i found out other people i knew had them, and now i have sixteen whole friends.  today a very old friend from school found me.  this is a friend with whom i spent many happy hours making up weird sci fi and fantasy stories, listening to great music, and generally avoiding my dad when i could.  every time i would go to her house, i would accidentally break a refrigerator magnet on her mother’s fridge.  she had really *nice* magnets too.  oy.

so, this myspace thing is cool enough when it’s about keeping track of my friends.  i was going to use the myspace blog but land sakes knows i have enough blogs.  i was thinking of linking from my myspace blog to this one but then i thought, you know what?  maybe not.  maybe i won’t, because while i know that anyone can stumble across this pile of nonsense randomly, i don’t want to point anyone (like my stepdad) here.  not that there’s anything he shouldn’t read really, it’s just that i guess some of this stuff is like, the kind of personal that’s perfectly fine to share with strangers.

maybe that doesn’t make any sense.

so what’s new in my life?  well, this and that i  guess.  i’m hanging out with alex at the parental units’ house.  they’re getting their kitchen window replaced as it’s very close to the pool and the coating that was on the glass when they first got the house has been cooked off by the sun.  if the window breaks the pool will likely be unusable until draining and cleaning, glass in the water and all.  it’s not *right* next to the pool but it’s about 5 feet away and we’ve got to be safe.  so it’s tempered glass for the kitchen window!

i’m watching a show about caligula.  this is certainly very interesting.  i’ve learned a lot about him in the past few years and one thing i have found is that nobody is really a monster.  well, there are people who are monsters, but nobody just starts out that way.  caligula, known for his excesses and cruelty, was shaped by his past.  that doesn’t excuse his behavior, but it is something to think of someone like caligula suffering pain which made him in turn deliver it.  he could have absolutely chosen not to behave in such a way, but he didn’t.  i wonder, though, if his past had been different would he have been?

it’s that kind o thing that makes me afraid sometimes.  what is the line between influence and conscious decision?  my past was rough, and it has shaped me into someone who is deathly afraid of her anger and her dark side and afraid she will do something screwed up.  i wonder if there’s some point where i could learn to revel in cruelty or something.  i have seen hints of that in myself but they’re very scary.

i’d like to think i’m a pretty decent person though.  mom says i always put myself last. i’d like to be more selfish.  seriously.   oddly enough, i feel very selfish.

hmm what else.  i have no idea.  more as i think of it, but i doubt it will be so creepily pensive.  i always get like that when i see something thoughtful on the tv.  when i’m reading something thoughtful i don’t have time for blogging, i’m too busy reading lol.



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