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my boys 29 July, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in blather and claptrap.

i’m at mad sam and hazy’s, watching the kids, jr and b.  minus their niece, whom i will call meta for metamorphosis, because she’s 10 and changing.  plus the little boy from next door, b2.  and mad sam’s nephew jl.  four little boys, between 4 and 11.  four sneaky little boys.

it was an emergency babysitting mission.  mad sam had to be somewhere, hazy’s at work, and my smokin’ buddy was at work.  here i was, alone with the beasts.  luckily, they love me.  b2 wanted to spend the night and sam left it up to me.  b2’s a sweet kid so i was like sure. so b2 ran home a little while ago to grab some stuff and brought back some sodas.  i told them bedtime was 11:30 and of course i got the usual chorus of “aww but it’s summer and…” which i silenced quickly with a little story of how bedtime was invented to keep overworked adults from beating children to death.

i told them to put the sodas in the fridge and in a rare stroke of permissiveness i said “you can have them in the morning.”  i thought they were mollified.  my sister was hanging out with me for a little bit (all in a pretty dress with her hair done up.  she looked so preeeeetty!) and she was laughing because she knows i’m hardcore.  11:30 came and went and the boys were headed for bed.   all was about to be well.

except something didn’t seem right.  something was wrong.  my Black Mama Sense was shuckin’ and jivin’.  i checked the refrigerator in the kitchen.  i checked the refrigerator in the garage.  the three cans of soda were nowhere to be found.

now, i had told the boys they could stay up late if they were quiet.  i might have been willing to entertain that thought still.  only then when i called them down, they totally lied.  and then i used my amazing tv detective powers to deduce which one of them had snuck them up the stairs and how.  Hooked on Poirot worked for me!

i was right.  the offending sodas were returned to the fridge, and carefully hidden from a casual midnight drinker per the pleas of b2.  i’m not a monster, you know.  then i sentenced them, for their collusion and lying, to immediate lights out.  you would think they would have figured out by then.


about 7 minutes into bedtime there arose such a clatter that i snuck up the stairs as quietly as could be.  wielding the back scratcher also known as theSpank Stick.  i almost never use it and can’t remember having done so on anyone but malinky in quiite some time, and recently, not even on her.  it’s not a hollow threat by any means.  anyone who leaves their children with CoCo knows that a butt whuppin is not out of the question if they misbehave, and if the kid doesn’t like it and they’re just hanging out, well then it’s a good thing they live within walking distance.

the kids usually behave.  but tonight they were testy.  i got into the doorway before they noticed me and i said (and i quote) “and so the babysitter asends the stairs wielding her mighty Spank Stick as she enters the Kingdom of Boys.”  on the kingdom of boys part i swung the door shut a little because b2 was hiding behind it.  oh yes, the force is strong with this one.

i gave them a good dressing down.  now, jl is sassy.  wooh he does have a sassy mouth.  he’s so sassy that i had to levy the all-for-one rule ™.  if they don’t get their sodas tomorrow, they will have him to thank.  so far he’s been very quiet.

oddly enough the kids love me.  they think i am soooo kewl.  i send them pictures for their cellphone wallpapers and talk about whatever they want with them.  i feel like, i’m there with them, may as well interact.  but when they want to play, i let them have at it.  the past couple weeks they’ve been over to my mom’s for weekly pool parties.  why not?  it will make them sleep at night.

they’re pretty respectful on the whole.  mad sam cooked a roast for dinner with his delightful green beans (oh how i love mad sam’s green beans, the way i love hazy’s curries).  jr asked “CoCo will you be eating with us?”  “would you like to sit at the table?”  such nice kids.

now it’s time for grown-up time.  talk to you later!



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