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stoopid tears 23 July, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in blather and claptrap.

i am crying for a stupid reason.  so my sister and her amazing magical husband are going to spend a few days on the strip being tourists for her birthday.  it’s so stupidly romantic.  why do i just burn with envy?  i want my sister to be happy.  i really do.  at the same time, i look back at my last relation with a guy of any sort.  that would be when commander asshole called a few days ago and seemed tragically disappointed that i didn’t have the inclination to score him some drug he’s in love with.

i remember when we would spend hours listening to music and watching the tv.  whatever.  whatever.

how did my perfectly normal morning turn so emo?  i don’t know.  i’d say it was that news from my sister.  i don’t want to seem bitter and begrudging, because my sister deserves to have a great tme with her husband, i mean after all, she married him.  but i just see myself, 6 years older than she and falling into spinsterhood after having spent the whole of my 20’s cultivating friendships with all manner of guys.  being “that girl” that was awesome enough to kick it with and maybe even sleep with but not awesome enough to have as a girlfriend.  i totally wish i’d married my gay ex-fiance now.  at least he was amusing and very fashionable.

i blame this whole outburst on pms.  i had a crazy dream last night in which i had to give a speech or a prayer or something at some kind of huge convention.  i was wearing these very nice high-heeled shoes (i never wear heels) that seemed to magically keep getting bigger just as i would manage to get good at walking in them.  i was walking and next thing you know, my shoes were too big and i had to tighten the buckles on them so they wouldn’t fall off.

then i ended up leaving that place (without having spoken) to go do something in another building.  before i got back to my speech, i saw an airplane that was leaving for seoul.  i had to be on that plane.  why?  i can only imagine that the olympics i ever really really first paid close attention to, were in seoul.

anyways i feel much less emo.  it must be this vodka and chocolate milk.

and pot.



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