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oh eddie chen 15 July, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in 420 posts, blather and claptrap, water tower.

you sly devil you.  came to pick me up last night eh.  and then again today.  i don’t know what to think.  you picked me up but you weren’t even there.  where were you, eddie chen?

i had forgotten i was even there.  i couldn’t remember what was happening, other than i have been feeling weird.  oh, not the brain ping weird, worse.  that horrible stress from work weird where i can’t sleep because of someone calling out my name just as i drift off.  my legs are full of restless energy and the beast is whispering to me in that weird language of hers where there aren’t any words.  i mentioned the shepard tone and then i listened to several versions of it.  it was bringing something back, and voila, here it is.  the trip.

i have no idea what i did at the water tower.  it feels like i just stood at the livingroom window all night long and stared outside at the flatlands.  the glass was cool and the light from the tower kept the darkness at bay.  and i saw the tower again from outside.  i guess when i was walking to it from my drop-off spot.  i hate looking at it from up close.  it’s too much for me to take in.  the shape of it is somehow disturbing lately.   the Rak’th was angular and pointed, like spires going up and up.  the Ourk’th is just so..it’s so organic-looking.  that whole swell of a ship’s bow balanced atop that tiny golf-tee look, i don’t know.  it seems menacing.  more menacing than before, at any rate.

i’ve been having the zombie dream again too, only this time, alex isn’t there with me.  i don’t have to save her anymore or get her to a safe place.   it doesn’t even feel the same.  i don’t feel heroic or anything anymore in that dream.  now i am just scared and alone in a place overrun by zombies, and worse, i’m not even aware of where the safe places are anymore.  what does that even mean?

i napped fitfully at mom’s.  it’s terribly hard to sleep when you can’t keep your body from buzzing with energy.  this is the sucky ebergy tha can’t be gotten rid of by going for a long walk.  i had wanted to go to the gym tonight since i missed it last night, but my workout partner couldn’t make it.  we’ll work ojut twice as hard tomorrow, but i thought maybe afew quality minutes with the thighsolator and the calves machine would burn that feeling out of my leg muscles.  it’s funny how such a combination of things has these effects on me.  the nervous energy all by itself can push me into psychosis.  it just drives me nuts.  and i’ve been having olfactory hallucinations, too.  smelling french fries for days on end.  i’ll be so happy when this passes.  i’m hoping it will just be another day or two, because it’s getting to the point where i don’t want anything touching my skin.  it only aggravates the nervous energy feeling.

why doesn’t eddie chen just show up at my house?  seriously.  i mean, just come on over eddie.  we’ll smoke a bowl and have a drink and watch some tv.  why do i always have to come over there, huh?



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