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venus envy 17 June, 2006

Posted by silentpyjamas in 420 posts, blather and claptrap.
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there's a girl that hangs out in an irc channel i also hang out in.  it's a channel to discuss a…something.  i don't know.  i went there from another channel that was for an open source os.  i happen to be the least logical person in the world.  this girl is my negative.  she's like, a programming genius.  she talks in code the way she speaks english.  it is amazing and burn with envy.  burn.  

 oh how i wish to be like her.  speaking in that cryptic language of wordsthatruntogether separated briefly by capital letters and symbols.  exotic abbreviations and polynomial functions.  someone mentioned using music as a somethingy something.  i was in awe.  i asked about the shepard tone (since they were breaking an octave down to a level that literally made my head hurt) and the reply i got was completely not in any english language i have ever heard of.  all i caught was "harmonics."  it baffles me endlessly how i can come up with a *workable* concept for a direct neural interface based only on what i knew about the human body,  but i am stymied by things like math and computer science.  heck i can even understand complicated biological texts.  i feel so inadequate. 

i come up with a lot of ideas.  some of them, like stonenotes (see sidebar) become real through the hands of other people, but for the most part i am a fiction girl.  fiction rarely changes the world, but a mathematical equation or a clever piece of software can.  i feel like i am not as smart as i could be.

so this girl, whom i hold in very high esteem, intimidates me.  she's so nice and i wish i weren't feeling so cowed by her.  this must be one of those life lessons like "you're just as awesome as anyone else but in your own way.  just like everyone else."  but it feels more like "coco if you could code you would totall rock." 

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