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hold on. lemme get some more vodka! 18 December, 2005

Posted by silentpyjamas in blather and claptrap.

i decided i just couldn’t go to bed having only written weird stuff in here today so here i go with some normal stuff.

well, i lied.  i’m not even remotely normal so i don’t know how to write normal stuff.  but what i can think up at the moment is pretty normal for me.

i’d like to tell a story.  it’s one my mom told me as a child and i love to tell it to people.  it’s the story of the boy who unscrewed his bellybutton.


once upon a time there was a little boy who found himself in the bath one day examining his navel.  he had no idea what it was or what it was for.  as he poked at it, however, he got a grand idea.  he was going to unscrew it.  being a cautious boy, he decided to do the right (read: anal retentive) thing and ask his mom first. 

as his mother was tuckig him into bed that night, he looked up at her with his big, round eyes and said “mom, what would happen if i unscrewed my belly button?”

his mom brushed the hair back from his forehead and smiled, “i don’t know, honey.  you should ask the owl.”  she kissed him goodnight and left him to wonder about the mysteries of his navel.

the next day the boy went to the barn and hung about a bit looking for an owl.  when he saw one he approached it and surprisingly, instead of knocking him over and pecking his eyes out of his head the owl just peered at him impassively.

“mister owl, my mom told me to ask you.  what will happen if i unscrew my belly button?”  the owl blinked dumbly for a moment and the boy doubted it could tell him.  then it spoke.

“little boy, i do not know.  why not unscrew it tonight on the hill when the moon is full?”

the boy agreed at once.  that night he walked up the hill as the midnight hour approached.  he dropped his pants and began to unscrew his navel.

*squeeak squeeak* his bellybutton protested like a rusty bolt as he unscrewed it.  the more it came out, the more excited he got, the faster he unscrewed until finally he held it up in the moonlight and admired his bellybutton.  in his excitement he was barely aware of a strange feeling creeping up on him.  that is, until his butt fell off.

moral of the story?  i think it’s pretty self-explanatory.




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