the dreaded brain ping 13 December, 2005Posted by silentpyjamas in chronicle of the crazy.
what is this brain ping of which i speak? i first mentioned it in another post that i made today. the brain ping is a relatively recent phenomenon that began sometime between 3 and 5 years ago. i can’t say for sure because a lot of the time my memory is murky.
it kind of happens like this. i start to feel weird. a kind of weird i can’t describe, because i can be in the middle of the weirdness and not realize it for a while. just kind of “off.” eventually there’s a smell. i used to think it smelled like rancid garlic and butter but now i realize (after a fortuitous trip to the bar with my sister) that it is the exact smell of pear ale. i’d never had it until a few weeks ago and the moment i caught a whiff of it i feelt kind of lightheaded because it was so incongruent to smell that and not be having an episode. i told my sister “this is the smell i hallucinate!” she replied “that’s deep.”
eventually i become pretty much immune to the smell (it takes me a couple of days) and then at some point i have a brain ping. my brain simply goes pop! like in the top left smewhere, maybe kind of near the middle. i feel a sort of snapping sensation then a warmth spreads all over my head. it’s a very strange sensation and it’s always accompanied by anxiety because while sometimes i get good ideas from the was of thoughts that follows, in the short term nothing good ever came from a brain ping. sometimes it’s not too bad, other times it makes me itch in a way that is really disturbing. it’s like a sort of phantom itch in my bones. anyway the warmth and then after some time, and by some time i mean within around an hour or so reality dissolves around me and usually i don’t notice until i’m “back.” i’ll be describing these little adventures because maybe by writing them i can figure them out.
i don’t get the brain pings very often, or maybe i do. my memory of those kinds of times is suspect because i don’t know sometimes if something’s actually happened or if i’ve imagined it. sometimes i kind of wonder if the brain pings are my mind attempting to reset itself in the midst of the crazy fake smells and all. who knows? next time i have one i’ll describe it better.