this might not be the most interesting navigation ever.  i don’t know.  i’m just feeling thoughty and talking and writey all at once and i got bored of the tv.

first thought it on alex.  what an awesome girl.  dang.  man.  i wish i were half as awesomoe as she is.  how does a 3 year old become more awesome than her parents combined?   and how do they calculate that?

speaking of calculations, i spent a little while this evening talking with some people about my cost/benefits analysis i do on everyone.  oh i mean you know, if i hardly know you i do a simple balance sheet but like you know if we’re close pals you can safely assume you have something akin to a credit score in my head.  i’m considering putting it into an excel spreadsheet and making a little powerpoint presentation.  i got this idea from a friend who i asked “and to whom would i show this powerpoint presentation” and he was like “to yourself!”  so if i make these excel sheets i will put them in here or somewhere somehow so you can see them.  like as if you care.  haha.

so this show the first 48 is on again.  i totally think i have become inured.  i used to think it’s just because there are so many reruns of crime shows but now my sister and i really only pay attention to parco, pi (which we like to pronounce “parcopy”) and dominick dunne’s power, privilege and justice.  because there’s nothing like rich people killing each other to death over money.

speaking of money, my sister and i had a lengthy discussion (with some ouotside input) as to what it would be worth to kill someone, as it seems a lot of people do it on the cheap.  they get hired for like $500 or they kill their husband for like $500k and i’m like “man that is so retarded.”  so we went on a little exercise in extremes to see what we could imaginarily buy for $30 million.  this is to illustrate that it’s stupid to kill for money, a little or a lot because like, the chances of getting caught weigh WAY more heavily on us than even the princely sum of 30 million hypothetical dollars.

the guinea pigs are funny and the bald ones are very warm.  i hate to touch them with cold hands because without fur they must be a little shocked to feel the temperature of my skin.

they will always be bald.

speaking of bald, do you think people still wax their bald pates?

epitome is pronounced “eh-PIT-uh-me” not “EP-i-tome.”  it is not spelled appitomy.

that makes me think of appendix.

sometimes i worry that love and anger cannot coincide.

i got interrupted for a few minutes.  working on an idea.  maybe for a comic!  that reminds me, remind me later when i’m sober to write about the christmas party, the tv, and the halt-man comic.  i’d link it now but i am too fucked up.  i can’t believe i just said that.

the sad part is, i think i am being horrible on purpose and i don’t know how to stop.  or maybe i have tricked myself into thinking i don’t know how to stop.  it always feels good when i am careening down the road to insanity, so gleefully apathetic and eventually nearly snarling with fiendish delight in saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing.  it’s cathartic, i feel, every single time, as if i am purging myself of something.  like i am somehow lighter than before.

does that make me a bad person?  i’d rather for you to think i’m a bad person than to dislike me based on some deficiency in my character.  yes i’m a weird one.

interrupted again.  they must have redirected a flight path or something over my apartment complex.  tonight is full of the heavy drone of aircraft.  planes flying and flying and flying.  passing overhead.  the sound concerned me at first.  there were so many planes that at first i thought there was a tank rolling down the street, or possibly (gasp of gasps!) an alien invasion.  well at first i thought “that sounds like a plane” but it got closer and then farther away.  which confused me because for about 15 seconds i thought there was a plane about to crash into my complex (or house) and i was asking myself “should i type that real fast and hit post so in case i die everyone knows what happened?”

i think that’s enough pontificating and rambling for tonight.  thanks, you’ve been a great audience.